How to Face Yourself (Part 2)

As we discussed in the first part of this post, often, we find excuses to avoid the harsh realities we know are present within ourselves. The fear of facing our own fears leads to a vicious cycle of self defeating behaviors. Rather than looking within, we focus on the outside world and the externalities that we'd rather blame for things going wrong, but when it comes to introspection and looking into ourselves, we want to run, and continue running without looking back. Here are some more helpful steps to facing yourself.

Explore your principles and values. Do you know them as your own or have you borrowed them from someone or somewhere else? Only you know the answer to that – yet, is it time to shed values that you've absorbed rather than developed for yourself?

How can you tell? It's very simple – you are either living with a sense of direction or you're not. In the latter case, it's likely you're living by someone else's moral compass rather than by your own. Toss theirs and start growing your own; plant it in fertile thoughts so that it grows vigorously and is original to you. And remember, even trying to live by your own values and principles (and often failing) is far better than perfecting life according to someone else's.
If you don't know where to begin in deciding your own values and principles, explore different ideas about the world through more learning. Read widely, talk to people with a view to learning about how they see the world and listen to podcasts or watch documentaries about different beliefs and ways of living around the world. Empower yourself through greater knowledge.

Don't deceive yourself. It is very easy to fool the world with pretenses and to put on a face that you believe others want to see. However, your heart will know the real truth and cause much inner conflict when you set aside its warnings.

Putting on a false front leads to cognitive dissonance. This is basically a feeling of behaving in one way to appease others all while thinking or feeling in another way (your true self).
When someone has two beliefs or behavior patterns that are fundamentally at odds within their mind, it creates an unpleasant feeling known as emotional disharmony.

It feels as though there is an inner friction inside of us (dissonance).

Cognitive-dissonance is just one of many biases that work in our everyday lives. We don’t like to believe that we may be wrong, so we may limit our intake of new information or thinking about things in ways that don’t fit within our pre-existing beliefs. Psychologists call this “confirmation bias.”
The cure for cognitive dissonance is seeing and then accepting what is. This means consciously being aware of what is happening as opposed to resisting, or even worse, ignoring it. As the saying goes, What you resist persists.

By accepting what is, you will become aware of new possibilities to solve your problems.

Appreciate the fact that you are human and not a machine, cog or super-person. Trying to be all, do all and to "super-human" yourself leads to inevitable exhaustion and despair. You cannot put your feelings and wants on hold forever and you cannot always expect success and achievement. Life brings both its ups and downs and sometimes going nowhere, transitioning and starting all over again are the normal parts of being human; if you measure your worth only by what is gained in life, you will be knocked over whenever there is loss and lack of achievement.

People are emotional beings and are fallible. There will be times when your actions will not always mount to perfection. There will be times of loss and things coming to a standstill. Relax and be comfortable with yourself and learn to let go of the need to always be achieving something; sometimes, the real achievement is found in simply just being you.
Slow down. Speak more slowly, think before you speak, move at a pace that allows you take in what is around you and spend more time contemplating. The world is fast enough without speeding up the precious hours allotted to you. And speak up. People won't listen to what you have to say unless you believe in it yourself and are not afraid to voice it with clarity and precision.

Consult a therapist if necessary. You may be surprised at how the issues within you, once resolved, will lead to a more relaxed disposition. For many people, resistance to therapy can be grounded in feeling that they need to cope alone; however, this is an erroneous assumption.